Dear all men screaming #NotAllMen. Disrupting women’s trauma discussion of being hunted/killed by men to center your emotional discomfort being associated with ‘those men’ actually tells us that you might be one windowless van/loaded gun away from becoming ‘those men’. #YesAllWomen
1 in 6 women is killed by a man every hour around the world – most by someone they know and trust. That’s around 100 women killed every.single.day. Male violence against women is a massive systemic problem that needs to be discussed in order to advance much needed social change. If these discussions make you uncomfortable because you feel guilt by association despite not having murdered, then feel free to call your therapist and discuss that issue. But don’t expect women to stop talking to make you feel better. Stop centering yourself and your own immature feelings in public conversations. If you aren’t one of the men hunting/raping/killing women then good for you! You’re a good boy (*pats on head). Here’s your cookie for not being a murderer. Now take a seat and be quiet.
Are you blind to the grotesque double standard of not feeling any personal responsible to take action to address male violence against women (seriously…have you?) because you aren’t a perp. Yet you expect random women online to cater to your emotional needs and stop talking about their life-or-death matters because it upsets you? On a post that you could just easily scroll by because it’s not really about you? You are literally expecting women to focus on your emotional immaturity and discomfort instead of their own survival. You are placing your personal need to avoid reflecting on yourself and your unspoken male privilege to commit violence with impunity over the lifetime of trauma that women accumulate while practicing continuous safe-keeping behaviors – trying not to get killed or to keep each other from getting killed. And the more you scream about it online the more you show women how angry you can get when you aren’t given the attention, privilege and priority you expect at our expense. So, my question to you is – When do you get angry enough about this to hurt one of us? Because that is the road you are driving down with your #NotAllMen screams. That is what you are telling us. We read the threat in your expectation of privilege – in the prioritizing of your own emotional needs over our very survival. So, every time you scream #NotAllMen you are actually telling on yourself.
Dear all women saying #NotAllMen. Derailing conversation of women’s trauma of being hunted/raped/killed by men to protect men from their personal discomfort is prioritizing the selfish needs of men over the lives of women and that shite thinking got us in this mess in the first place. #YesAllWomen
Men need to learn to be big boys and deal with their own emotional discomfort. They don’t need you to be their mommy. They need to learn to prioritize the well being of their community members and not just themselves. And when they are selfish enough to center their own needs over the safety/lives of women we need to call them out and shame them for it – not coddle them and protect them. This is what women have been taught to do all their lives with men. But it results in men expecting women to sacrifice and cater to their needs to the point where some men become violent if we don’t. Women must stop allowing men these selfish privileges, or we will never be able to shift the social norms that erase and excuse male violence because we are complicit in their reproduction. Let’s change from the idea that ‘boys will be boys’ to the expectation that ‘boys will be better.’
We now return you to your regularly schedule programing.